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imgresThis morning my partner and I boarded the plane to Grand Rapids.  We have a dual life these days because of his work: one week in Austin, TX, one week in Grand Rapids, MI, so he can be with his two lovely children.

While we were waiting for others to board, he started griping about how there’s so much to do in GR.  He has to do the groceries, clean their place, and cook for the girls.  He thought about it a little and said: I need a wife.

It occurred to me I need a wife too.  Heck, I want the 1950’s kind of wife. You know the ones who wake up, make themselves pretty, and then tend to you the whole day?  The ones who put on cute aprons to cook? You know, the Mad Men kind of housewife sans drama of course.  My wife should be emotionally independent.

I want a wife who would decorate my house, even have theme kitchen towels based on the season, and light candles all over the house.

I want to wake up to the smell of freshly brewed coffee.  I want a wife who would make the bed, prepare breakfast, and give me the freedom to eat at the table as we have a conversation or go to work depending on my schedule.  When I start working my wife can begin cleaning up the dishes and the rest of the house.

I want a wife who wouldn’t interrupt me at work and wouldn’t nag me… ever.  She needs to understand that my work is important.  I have a mission in this world.  I’d like to leave my imprint before I die.

I want someone who’d make a meal plan every week, do the grocery shopping and not expect me to participate.

I want a wife who knows how to cook. In fact, I want the aroma of her home cooked meals to beckon me from my home office to the elegantly set table for dinner.

My wife also takes care of laundry and dry cleaning.  She understands that I am much too busy for those mundane tasks.  I have more important things to do.

I’d like a peaceful life and see no need for complaining… ever.

I want a wife who would take care of the Holiday, birthday, and baby shower gifts.  I expect her to invite my family and friends over for the special occasions.  When I bring home an impromptu guest, I expect her to be prepared.

I need a wife who understands my need for space and does not question me when I have to take time off for work or for me.

The wife I want knows that I don’t want children.  End of discussion. Though if I did, she also understands that they are her responsibility.

She would greet me in our spotless home every evening with a welcoming smile, always dressed and made up.

All I have to say is:

Hi honey, I’m home….