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You were here, now you are lost.

  1. Parenting, at least step parenting, is customer service. Food will be sent back to the kitchen, clothes and shoes will be returned (even when they participate in it), and no matter what you buy, there is always something missing.  Yet you need to be kind.
  1. Kids mess with your head. Their lack of consistency with positive and negative reinforcement confuses the hell out of the lab rat in you. One day they beg you for spinach, the next they announce they have never liked spinach.
  1. Having kids in your life is the best way to learn to let go. White walls turn green, your computer malfunctions after they have used it and had an oops moment with a cup of water on the keys, your Persian rug gets stained with food. Let go of attachment to worldly belongings. Don’t ask why.  The answer, “oh they are kids,” will make no sense.
  1. Their honesty is freaking brutal, but you hate it when they lie to you.
  1. If you discipline (especially since they didn’t pass through your world entry canal), you become the mean frustrating one. If you don’t, they become the mean frustrating ones. It’s a frustrating situation.
  1. Children have hidden powers. They can see right through you and react to your hidden emotions. Anything you feel can and will be used against you.
  1. No matter what you do, your kids will feel fucked later in life, so you might as well do your best and forget the rest.